Muse #1

Hopefully I’ve used the term correctly.

Senioritis is upon me.

So…

Me: I feel bad. I embarrassed myself in front of people. ON TEXTBOOK PICK UP DAY.

Clef: Kid? You all right?

Me: Not really. (Stares at myself for a minute) Right now I’m human, we all are, but I don’t want to be sometimes.

Clef: It’s okay to feel like this sometimes. But you have to remember that though you might think that this human body you currently reside in is just another thing to pick at and beat up,

It’s not. While you may disregard it and prefer your imaginary Tiefling body over your human body, that doesn’t mean you can’t hurt it forever. You shouldn’t.

Me: What do you mean?

Clef: Even though you think you can bounce back easily with each harsh word, sometimes you can’t. This body you’re living in, the one housing your Tiefling body, which also houses your soul, the one I see you in now, is not invulnerable to damage, whether it be physical, verbal, or emotional. Hell, even though you might have thought otherwise, You’ve all ready lives to see 18! Don’t hurt yourself over one minor event that happened over at some human institution. Listen. Even though I may not physically be real, we don’t have to leave each other. You made me for a reason. As a guide. Just because 10 minutes were shaved off the clock of pre-school day freedom, doesn’t mean you have to leave me behind.

While you’re in your human body, watching the clock tick away the hours until that bell rings, the other half of you can just sit with me here in this quiet comfortable little room of ours. You can sit and be here with me as long as you like, amid the outside din of students and teachers, the competing sounds that I can clearly see exhaust you.

Me: You can see all that?

Clef: I see everything, young friend.

Me: I’m 18. Still, there’s a difference between us. We’re both not normal. Neurodivergent.

Clef: Indeed, except you are still in the process of making peace with your own physical and neurological traits and flaws. They’re not a bad thing, unless you want them to be. The thing I’m trying to say is: I’m not real physically, but I can be as real as you want me to be. Imperfect and human are we. Learned that from your hours of listening to Melanie Martinez. You should learn to just be okay with the cards you’re handed for this leg of the road trip of living. Those are minor speed bumps. That doesn’t mean you can’t do what you love, you precious art nerd.

Me: *snorts* So…what you’re saying is…I’ll…be okay, right?

Clef: Yep. You will. And even though you’re no longer a young child, you don’t have to let go of the hands of those you care about most.

Me: E-Even though you’re imaginary, I don’t have to leave you?

Clef: Of course not. You can come and sit with me whenever you want, young spitfire.

Me: Wh-what?

Clef: Even though they are real, human, your parents still knew that a flame burns in you. You just didn’t see it until I was created. I helped you see. Sometimes the views that blind us are nothing but our own. You’re powerful, Cam. You just haven’t accessed it yet. It doesn’t have to be people, it doesn’t have to be some giant magic spell book, it can just be you. Don’t judge yourself so harshly. People won’t always care about that. Keep on walking as far as those legs and that tail can carry and balance you. I’ll always be here for you if you need me, but ultimately you’re the one in charge of your own journey. But if you’re in need of help in times of vulnerability, come and lie with me, here where no one else will ever know.

Clef: So…I can still live life on my own terms? And still cry on the shoulders of anyone who will hold a space for me? This isn’t a bad time?

Clef: Nope. You should be able to safely contain your emotional energy. Not hold it back, per se, but just let it be, like that lake there. (He points to a lake in a cavern) It’s not safe to be a dam, cracking under the pressure. It saddens me to see you in pain like this.

Me. I’m sorry.

Really.

Clef: If you’re willing, be that cavern. Or be a stream. Those speeds vary. No matter how much you feel, I’ll always be here in case you need a space for that. Just remember…

I may not be real, but I’ll always be there. I’ll always love you, even if you might not have time to talk to me sometimes, you can always feel. Sometimes that alone is just as powerful as now.

Me: I’ll try to remember this.

Thank you.

Clef: Glad I could help. If you ever need me, drop down here. Feel free to switch bodies if you want to. Your human vessel isn’t the only one. More importantly, go easy on it. You never know what it might give you.

(We hug)

Me: I will.